If you’ve lived long enough to be able to read this, then you’ve experienced disappointment and hurt in your life. It’s part of the human condition, even if it is a part that we’d all raise our hands to vote away if it were possible. So the question is, “How do I get past these things and on with my life?” Here’s something I believe will help you on your way. I know that as I’ve applied it in my own life, it has been a great help to me.
Dealing with past hurts is always a delicate subject, as it touches emotional and psychological wounds that re-open all too easily. It’s important to understand that those hurts can only be handled properly by giving them to God and not holding them against the person who committed the hurt. It’s going to require confronting the hurt and coming to a place of forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it is required if we’re going to move on in life and past the situations that have hurt us. That forgiveness may have to be extended to others. We may have to learn to forgive ourselves. Some may have to learn to forgive God for something they blame Him for. Without resolution, you’re only covering over the issue – not resolving it. It’s like painting over a crack in the wall. The crack is still there and will eventually show again. That crack will have to be repaired in order for the wall to be whole again. It doesn’t mean the crack didn’t happen – only that it has been dealt with and moved on from.
Forgiveness in itself doesn’t erase an event or the pain it caused. What it does do is set the tone for how that pain is handled and related to, and in time allows for that pain to be a distant memory.
Much of what we deal with in life involves learning to be honest and direct in dealing with a situation and the feelings that we have because of it. In order to get past things, we have to get to a place of being honest with ourselves. Many times that requires us to see things in or about us that are uncomfortable and downright ugly. If we don’t see them for what they are and acknowledge them as such, we can never effectively deal with them. Once we are honest with ourselves, we are then in a place where we can receive what God has to say with us. When we are honest with ourselves, God can work wonders in our lives as He is honest with us about what He sees. As He does and we respond to His leading and correction, we can get past what troubles us and become more of who created us to be.
We can see this at work in the life of David throughout the book of Psalms. One of the most beautiful things to me in Psalms is how David went to God in those hard times and talked through what he was feeling. At times he felt alone, sometimes helpless – at other times he was angry at his foes and wanted their demise. He aired his emotions out to God and did not keep them bottled up inside. In doing so he practiced his own form of confronting his hurts, and one I believe we can learn from. Here is Psalm 13, we find an excellent example:
Psalm 13
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest my enemy say,
“I have prevailed against him”;
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.
I know that there have been times when I wondered what was taking God so long to answer. (Read this post for an example) In this Psalm, David opens up to God and lets Him know what he is feeling. David wasn’t telling God anything He didn’t already know. He was being honest with himself and God. He was expressing his innermost thoughts to God – releasing his angst and frustration to the only person who had the ability to take it and resolve it. As you read through Psalms you’ll see this pattern over and over, where David empties his heart to God and then ends with reminding himself of God’s goodness and faithfulness. David saw God as his confidant and his answer to the issues that plagued his life. He understood the essence of what God desired to be to him. God desires to be the same to you and me.
So how does this apply to your particular situation? Just as David did, you can look at your own hurtful situations and call them what they were – painful, disappointing, etc. Name them specifically and express your heart to God about how they made you feel. With His grace you can deal with it and get past it. Just as David did this so many times in his life, you can too. God not only has a desire to help you deal with these feelings, He also wants to bring you to a place of peace. He will help you forgive the people involved. He will help you forgive yourself. Most of all, He will show you His forgiveness – and work that same forgiving heart in you.
