Early in our marriage my wife announced to me that we needed a new vacuum cleaner. The one we had was losing suction, and it was important that our vacuum did an excellent job. Being a dedicated husband, I began setting back money to get a new vacuum.
Her birthday soon rolled around and among the items I picked out for my wife, I remembered that vacuum cleaner she had been requesting. I went to the store and picked out one that met her requirements, purchased it and took it home. I managed to sneak it in the house and get it wrapped without her knowing. At the time I was pretty satisfied that I had been able to get her other things I knew she was hoping for – AND the vacuum cleaner she had been asking for.
Her birthday came, and my wife opened up several of her presents. I had done well, as she was very pleased with everything she had opened. Then I reached to the back and brought out her last present. As I put the big box at her feet I saw her eyes get big with anticipation. She reached down and began tearing away the wrapping paper. I waited for the big payoff, when she would smile and give me a big hug for remembering her vacuum cleaner.
As she tore away the paper and uncovered the vacuum cleaner box, I waited for that smile to roll across her face. And I waited a few more seconds. And then a few more seconds. The smile seemed to be missing. The big hug didn’t follow either. Our son was excited that mommy got a big box present, but mommy didn’t seem to share their excitement. She looked up at me with that look that said “Oh well” and said, “Oh, you got me a vacuum cleaner for my birthday.” Not the response I had been hoping for.
For the next few birthdays and Christmases I got to hear about the year I got her a vacuum cleaner for birthday. I came to understand that my wife didn’t appreciate getting a vacuum as a present. I was being practical, and most of the fellas I told of my plight didn’t see an issue with my gift. Conversely, when I told my sister of my plight, she was much more sympathetic to my wife’s reaction. I came to understand to pick my gifts more wisely, and my wife has assured me I have done much better in the years since.
My Dilemma Revisited
This year on Black Friday I took my dad to Lowes to pick up a couple of items he needed. As we were walking down a main aisle we came across a large display of vacuums on sale. For the past month my wife has been telling me she’d like a new vacuum, as our current one has been wearing out. As I looked at the display and saw the great prices on the vacuums, my mind went back to that birthday where I had been in this situation. She had expressed a need and a desire, and it was within my power to meet that need and fulfill that desire. Yet I wasn’t too keen on dealing with the possible disappointment she might have.
The price was so good that I decided to buy the vacuum she had mentioned before they ran out of them. I put it in our cart and checked out. I texted my wife to let her know I had bought a vacuum cleaner. I followed up with:
“So buying you a vacuum this time around isn’t putting me in the doghouse?”
To which she replied:
“No way. I’m not a newlywed anymore. Reality has taken over idealism.”
The new vacuum came home with me. I placed a bow on it and put it in front of where our Christmas tree would go. My wife greeted me with a big smile and hug. It was 20 years later than what I had hoped for, but very welcome.
Don’t Allow Disappointment To Become Offense
All of us have faced a situation at one time or another where what we asked for hasn’t met what we expected or how we envisioned it happening. Disappointment can follow, and if not dealt with it can grow into a place of offense. We can get offended at what a person has done, or what a person hasn’t done that we expected them to do.
I’ve had to watch myself over the years to not allow this to be the case in my own life. In many cases I’ve been successful, but there have been times where I’ve allowed disappointment to fester to the beginnings of offense. I’m so thankful for the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life to point those areas out so that I can deal with them. Offense in your life is like a ball and chain. It shackles itself to you and then becomes an ever increasing weight that slows your progress until it holds you in one place – weak, bitter, and hopeless.
When people pray to God and don’t get the answer they wanted or in the way they desired, they can become disappointed. It happens. Yet in many cases that disappointment lingers and grows into something that causes the person to become offended with God. I see instances of this each week, where people are not receiving a quick answer to what they are praying for, or have received an answer but not in the way they wanted it. Some don’t get their answer in the timeframe they wanted. They often become offended with God.
Some people realize it and are seeking a resolution. Others realize it and don’t care. Being angry with God seems to feed their offense, and to admit to this offense would require them to admit they weren’t right with all of their thinking. It’s something that they aren’t at a point of being willing to do.
There are others who are unaware that they have become offended at God. They’ve had something happen in life that has shaken them, and their trust in God was shaken as well. It could be an illness or death in the family. It could be a major relationship issue, such as divorce. They were blind-sided, and as trust has been shaken, disappointment came. In the midst of trying to cope with the circumstances and the disappointment, offense begins to develop over the situation. Even if it isn’t realized, offense has to have a target. That target ultimately becomes the one who could have made things different, the one who seemingly is the cause of the disappointment.
I’ve been there before. I didn’t even realize that I was offended. I thought I was just in a perpetual state of disappointment over something – and I was. Yet that perpetual state of disappointment was the exact indicator to me that I had become offended. It was when the Holy Spirit made me aware of the issue that I was able to make the decision to get over my disappointment and let the offense go. I had to change the way I was thinking about the situation and its outcome. It freed me to move on. I was no longer dragging the ball and chain of that offense – one I hadn’t realized was attached to me and holding me back.
Dealing With Disappointment
I’ve learned in life that things happen that don’t always make sense. Situations arise that were not even on the radar. Things don’t happen in the way I expected, or in the timing I preferred. When these things come, I remember Proverbs 3:5-8 –
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
From where I am sitting things sometimes don’t make sense. They don’t fit what I think is the path of choice. It’s at those times when you and I have to trust God and not rely solely on what we think, how we feel, or how we’ve envisioned it to be. Disappointment may come, but it is how we deal with it that will keep it from becoming offense in our lives.
If you have a situation that you are dealing with now where you are disappointed, remember that God is not the cause of your problem – He is the solution to it. Then deal with the thoughts of disappointment that you have. Focus on who He is and wants to be to you, not what hasn’t worked out as you wanted it to.
He has plans for hope and a future for you. (Jeremiah 29:11)
He works all things for your good if you love Him and are pursuing Him and His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
He cares for you and is willing to carry your burdens and give you rest. (1 Peter 5:6-7)
Sometimes you and I are the biggest obstacles to what God is working in our lives. He knows what He is doing with your life. If things aren’t going as you’ve planned, don’t allow your disappointment to short-circuit the blessings that He has in store for you. Deal with it and move ahead. Your future awaits.
