I can remember when my wife told me we were expecting our fourth child. We were excited about the new little one that was on the way. With a son and then two daughters, I was hoping that this baby would be a boy. We could have boys as the bookends. I was really beginning to fantasize about all of the fun things I would do with this little guy. I was in my mid-thirties at the time and was at a different place in life. I had been thinking of the things I could teach this boy and enjoy with him. Just as my oldest son was my little buddy, this new son would be my new little buddy to go with his big buddy of an older brother.
One day my wife went in for a routine check-up and ultrasound and came home with news that I must admit wasn’t very welcome in my mind. The pictures were conclusive – that little boy I had been making plans for wasn’t in the cards. The ultrasound had left no doubt that my wife was carrying a little girl.
Pathetic With Pigtails
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my daughters, but I was really looking forward to having another boy. Time had proven that I was horrible at doing little girl hair. When your beautiful little six year old daughter looks at you with her big brown eyes and says, “It’s OK Daddy, I will do sissy’s hair because you do it wrong”- you know you have failed remedial hairstyles for preschoolers. My wife would look at them with a frazzled expression on her face as she had to fix my failed attempts at cute little girl hairdos. She was patient with me about it, but it was apparent that of all the things I could do well, this endeavor was a big zero. I was pathetic with pigtails.
I was ready for easy hair combing, wrestling in the floor, playing catch; let’s be honest, some testosterone. Having another girl was going to relegate me to living in the estrogen pool for many years to come. This was not the future I had envisioned. In my plan we were supposed to have a little boy and name him Jonathan. He was going to grow to be big and strong. He would love to play baseball and go fishing. He was going to mow my lawn when I got older, climb the ladder to hang the Christmas lights, and move the furniture at mom’s whim. Now all of this had changed. As I was walking through our house one morning bemoaning to myself what I saw as the tragic turn of events, I was addressed by God as sternly as I had ever been in my life. Right in the middle of our living room, I heard these words ringing in my spirit:
“I don’t want to hear you whining about this anymore. She is My little girl, My daughter first. I am placing her in your care to love and raise in My ways.”
I stopped in my tracks. The tone in which this was spoken to me was stern, disappointed, and not open to questioning. At that moment I understood that my attitude was all wrong. Here my wife and I were in the middle of a beautiful thing, the miracle of life. With so many couples struggling to conceive a child, we were blessed to have this little girl growing in her mother’s womb. Here I was selfishly whining about not getting the gender of child I was wanting. I had to be honest with myself and God – I had never once asked Him what His plan was for this child. I had never once asked Him if there were things He wanted to tell me regarding the pregnancy. I had spent all of my time coming up with my own ideas and then telling Him how I would like it. As I stood there in what was only several seconds but seemed like minutes, I realized how far off I had gotten in my priorities. I repented then and there and asked God’s forgiveness for whining and being self-centered, and pledged myself to treasure the little girl He had given us. As He had said, she was His little girl first. I made the decision to be excited about the little girl He was blessing us with, and to never stray from that. She has been a great blessing, and I enjoy her immensely.
Every Child Is His First
In reality, every child that is born was and is God’s first. It’s a principle we should be very mindful of. There is an accountability that we as parents have to God. It’s not only based on how we conduct ourselves in raising our children, but also in how we look at and treat that child who still belongs to Him. He hasn’t given up ownership.
The wonderful side to this is that because they still belong to Him, because He still retains ownership of them, because He still wants to be involved in their lives- we can call on Him to help us in raising them, caring for them, teaching them, and providing for them. As parents we can become active partners with Him in bringing them up in the love and admonition of God, just as Mary and Joseph did with Jesus.
With that in mind, imagine being given the responsibility of raising God’s own Son. We see that from the beginning God was intimately involved with the care for His Son, and for providing Mary and Joseph with what they needed to raise him as God desired. We also see that Mary and Joseph were open to God’s guidance. They understood that they weren’t left all alone in the journey. Neither are we.
It’s in this knowledge that we can take comfort – that God still wants to be intimately involved in the life of the child that we are blessed with. Don’t allow yourself to become so hung up on how things came to be that you become jaded and give up looking with hope on how things can be. If you allow God to have a predominant place in your life and ask Him to help you care for and raise your child, He will meet you where you are and help you get to where He has for you. God isn’t an absentee father. He pays great attention to each of us, as David described in Psalm 139:1-6:
1 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I get up;
You understand my thought from far off.
3 You search my path and my lying down
and are aware of all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
but behold, O Lord, You know it fully.
5 You put Yourself behind and before me,
and keep Your hand on me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is lofty, and I cannot fathom it.
If you’re still raising children, take heart in knowing that the One who created you and your children desires to intimately involved in your life, and to help you in raising His children. Even if you’re children are grown, don’t forget that God still wants to care for you. You were His child first.
