Years ago, during a trip overseas our group spent a layover at JFK airport in New York. As we walked through the airport toward our gate, we stopped for a few minutes to collect ourselves and get a snack. About 3 minutes into our stop, it was discovered that one of our group was missing her laptop bag. A quick survey of the area found that her laptop back was several yards away still sitting next to the wall that she had previously been standing against. There it sat, her solitary bag.
She turned to me and asked me if I would go get her bag for her since I was closer to it than she was. I paused because she was a good friend and I cared for her, but I politely answered, “no”. My answer took her by surprise, and I could see a bit of a hurt look on her face. You may be wondering why I didn’t do the polite thing and walk over to retrieve her bag, especially since I seemed to have hurt her feelings. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, as she was and is a dear friend – but I understood that walking over and picking up that bag had a cost.
You see, this was 5 years after the tragic events of 9-11, and we were in New York City in an International airport. Security forces were on high alert, and periodically over the public address system we were hearing warnings about not leaving bags unattended. To make matters worse, her laptop bag was sitting almost directly underneath a sign that had that same warning and there was a TSA agent nearby who had taken notice of the bag.
If I had walked over and taken her bag, I would have been assumed to have taken ownership of it. Had the security officer asked me about the bag, I would have had no idea what was in it, how to access the laptop, etc. With the heightened security measures in place, I could have been detained and at the least missed my flight. Going and taking up her bag had some serious potential consequences. When I pointed out the situation to my friend, she quickly understood my reasoning and retrieved her bag. It didn’t become an issue between us.
Offense in life comes across your path in many ways. You can be offended, but just like that bag in the airport, you also can leave it wear it lies. Offense only becomes personal to you when you pick it up.
The Two Basic Types of Offense
Offense can come in many different forms, but has two basic types:
- What someone said or done – This is something that a person has said or done that has caused you to be hurt or upset.
- What someone didn’t say or do – This is something that you feel hurt or upset about because you expected it from someone, and they did not fulfill that expectation.
In either case, the hurt or disappointment doesn’t become offense unless you continue to dwell on it.
My friend was initially disappointed and a bit hurt when I declined to pick up her unattended bag. Yet after she heard my explanation and accepted it, she moved on from those feelings. She didn’t dwell on how she felt when I told her “no”. She left offense sitting on the ground and did not pick it up. We went on our trip and had a wonderful time. I had helped her with her bags many times before the unattended bag incident, and after. She put that one incident in perspective and did not allow it to dominate her thoughts and feelings.
Becoming offended can cause you to have a jaded perspective. You see things through the lens of your hurt and disappointment, not reality.
Can you think of a time when someone has been offended with you because you didn’t do something? You didn’t call or stop by. Maybe you didn’t invite someone, or you left the toilet paper roll empty. It was something you did not do that caused someone to feel hurt or disappointed. Now think of who you may be upset with because of what they didn’t do for you. How long have you been carrying that along?
Offense is baggage. You pick it up and carry it. It weighs down your life and has a cost. When you pick up offense you claim ownership of it, and it will be a drain on you for as long as you possess it. You’ve probably heard the phrases “to take offense” or “she took offense”. These and others like them point out that offense didn’t fall out of a tree on the person. Instead it is the picture of a person reaching out and grasping the offense and taking it to themselves.
Being offended is not a higher place of morality or intellectual enlightenment. On the contrary, Proverbs 19:11 tells us:
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. (NIV)
Overlooking offense, not picking it up – that is an act of Godly wisdom. It takes patience to overlook offense, but it is an act that shows maturity and speaks of self-control. It is one’s mature, patient, honorable approach that chooses to overlook an offense. Notice the verse says, “overlook an offense”, it doesn’t say be oblivious to. When you are oblivious to a slight, you don’t perceive it and it causes you no hurt or disappointment. When you overlook an offense, you do perceive it, but decide to look past it. It is a conscious decision you make.
Don’t Pick Up Someone Else’s Baggage!
The world we live in today if full of opportunities to take up offense, and you should be diligent to guard yourself from taking the bait. The polarized environment is a breeding ground for offense, to the point where causing and taking offense have become an addiction for many people. It is not enough to become offended for something that has involved you personally. The growing trend now is to be offended on behalf of others.
Be wise enough not to pick up someone else’s perceived offense! It is just like my friend’s unattended bag sitting in the airport that day. The possible consequences for who retrieved it were not worth the risk. It did not belong to me and was not mine to pick up. It is the same with offense – either personal or someone else’s. Leave it sitting where it is.
Moving Past Offense to a Brighter Future
Offense leads to strife, and according to James 3:16:
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
Do you have confusion in your life? Take a moment to reflect and ask yourself:
Are you angry at someone?
Are you holding onto hurt or disappointment and not letting go?
If you are, make the choice to forgive that person and set that bag of offense down, and leave it. Walk away from that weight and don’t look back. Let your overlooking of that offense define you and your future. Don’t let it be the chains that bind you to the past. You’ve been created for so much more than reliving past hurts. God didn’t create you to live in the shadow of disappointment – He created you to live a life full of hope, but you must shed the weight of offense in order to fly. You can make that choice today.
Thanks for listening, and have a great day!
