Today is a special day for me, and I’d like to share with you why.
In November of 2010 I was diagnosed with latter stage colorectal cancer. Beginning in December I did seven weeks of chemotherapy and 28 radiation treatments at the same time. For my chemo I had a port installed in my chest, and in that port a needle the size of a finishing nail was inserted and hooked back into a chemo pump. I had to wear that pump all day, every day.
Doing the chemo and radiation at the same time caused the side effects to not just double, but as my doctor put it, “increase them exponentially.” It was horrible. I had become so weak that my doctors removed me from chemo for a week in order to keep me alive. Through it all I used to joke that one day I should write a book about it all and call it “Trusting God When Things Suck.” That’s what I was doing through it all, no matter how bad it was getting, I had decided at the beginning to trust God to see me through. I trusted Him to heal my body and preserve me. I had a destination He had placed in my heart I had not reached yet.
In November the surgeon had been very forthright that I would probably end up with a permanent colostomy – a bag for life. He had told us that if there was a centimeter of healthy rectal tissue to reattach my colon to he could avert the colostomy – but with the condition of the area and the intense treatment I would be receiving it was a long shot. That’s not what anyone wants to hear. Certainly not me. I had to take it all in and then look deep inside myself. I looked at the surgeon and told him I would do the treatment they advised and trust God to provide that healthy tissue.
On the afternoon of March 21st, 2011 I underwent major surgery. I had seen my surgical orders, and they had listed the procedure as a colostomy. I can honestly tell you that through the whole ordeal I had never thought I was going to die, but I was concerned with how I would end up from this battle. Over the months I had come to the place of trusting God that I wouldn’t have that bag, and that He would provide what was needed for the surgeon to put me back together. That had become the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I would live, I would be free of cancer, and I would not end up with a permanent colostomy. Through the weeks of treatment I had stayed upbeat with those thoughts in mind. The tunnel of cancer was a dark place, but instead of looking frantically at that tunnel’s walls, I focused at the end. Even when I didn’t perceive it, I knew there was a light at the end of this tunnel.
My surgery lasted over 4 hours. When the surgeon was finished he came out to see my wife in the waiting room. He sat down beside her, and with a big smile on his face spoke these words – “You got your miracle.” He then proceeded to tell her that when he got into the affected area he could no longer find a tumor, just a very small area of scar tissue. Beyond that, he found perfectly healthy tissue where he needed it to be to reconnect, or as we joke, “re-plumb” me. In an area that had been radiated 28 times, that had been under chemotherapy for 7 weeks. Perfectly healthy tissue was there.
He had pulled 21 lymph nodes from the area where the tumor had been and sent them off to be reviewed. He had also performed a temporary ileostomy to allow for my reconnected plumbing to heal, so I did have a temporary bag, but only for a short time. It was temporary.
Those lymph nodes? All 21 came back as negative for cancer. All of them. We had oncology nurses tell us that what happened to me they don’t see. My surgeon and oncologist both told us that my results – tumor gone, healthy tissue there, and clear lymph nodes – were miraculous.
March 21st, 2011 was a special day because on that day I saw firsthand the goodness of God at work in my body. My family saw it. My doctors and nurses saw it. That light at the end of the tunnel was where I had trusted it would be, and that light spilled over into many other lives than just my own. God is so faithful if we will only give Him the chance to be. We have to trust Him.
Today I celebrate the 5th anniversary of that wonderful day. I got rid of my temporary ileostomy in June of 2011, three months from the original surgery. They also removed my chemo port. Light at the end of the tunnel; I’ve been walking it in ever since that day in March. Instead of being dead or debilitated, I’m enjoying my family, serving my Lord who healed me, and doing what I can to share His love that He pours out on me daily to others who need His touch. It’s not enough to enjoy the light once you emerge from whatever tunnel life had you in. You’re responsible for encouraging others to not give up in what they are facing.
For my part, if you’re reading this and facing something difficult, I want you to know that this isn’t the end. Even in a dark place light can shine. It may seem far off, but keep moving toward it. I could have given in to despair so many times, but I made the decision to trust God that He had something better on the other side of what I was facing.
I’d encourage you to meditate on Psalm 27. That Psalm was a lifeline to me throughout my tunnel experience. In particular is verse 13, which I spoke to myself each day:
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
In my situation I needed to see His goodness in my body. I would have lost heart, but I didn’t. It was because I trusted Him that I would see His goodness at work in my body. That was the light at the end of my tunnel.
Where do you need to see His goodness at work in your life? Be honest with yourself, and then with God. Ask Him to show His goodness in your situation, and then trust Him to do it. He’s faithful!
To help me celebrate this special day, please share my story with someone you know who is going through their own challenge, their own tunnel experience. Let’s share some hope and light with someone today.
